To the Friends of Calliope

Thank you all so much for your love and support. If you are a survivor reading this, know that you also deserve to be believed, beloved, and lifted up, exactly as you are lifting us up now.

Lila Shapiro’s article in New York Magazine regarding the multiple sexual assault allegations against author Neil Gaiman left many people feeling angry, horrified, helpless, and unsure of what to do next. It is everyone’s individual choice what to do with Gaiman’s product going forward, but if you want to offer additional support, please consider making a donation to your local rape crisis agency*, or consider a donation to OurVOICE, a rape crisis agency in Asheville, NC.

*If you live in the US and are unsure of the name of your local IPV agency, you can find it using this database.

In 2020, Neil Gaiman committed to making a “hefty donation” to OurVOICE, the agency where I received counseling services in 2013. It was later discovered that he had not made the donation he promised. 

I am not professionally affiliated with this agency, but believe strongly in its mission: to inspire hope and healing while ending sexual violence and human trafficking through education, counseling and advocacy. 

If you choose to dedicate your donation to the victims of Neil Gaiman - those who have come forward, those who will, and those who can’t - please dedicate that donation to the name “Calliope.” 

The community that has emerged over the past six months has been such a huge source of healing and support. I hope that you also have loving supports that you can lean on during this time. 

Thank you all for being friends of Calliope. 

Gratefully,

Katherine (Kitty) Kendall, LCMHC

Self Efficacy: A Recipe For Success

Self-efficacy – the belief in our overall ability to succeed – is the backbone of a healthy and robust self-esteem.  Trusting in our ability to succeed keeps us motivated, regulated, and goal-focused. It gives us the courage to take necessary risks that bring us closer to our values, and the confidence to live fully and authentically.

When I was first learning how to cook, it would only take one burned waffle for me to throw up my hands in frustration. But now, with every successfully cooked meal, I find it easier to bounce back from the less successful ones. Self-efficacy is built from those small successes – perfectly boiled pastas, unburned scrambled eggs, cakes cooked all the way through – and it’s through those small successes that we learn we are capable of making something delicious.

Like in cooking, being successful in therapy is more than a single “Ah ha!” moment. It’s the dozens of small victories, the ones that get us from “there’s no way I can do this”, to “Huh, maybe I CAN do this!” That self-efficacy is the ingredient that we need in order to risk trying out new recipes for our lives, recipes that are healthy, creative, energizing, and (most importantly!) nourishing.

 Want to discover your personal recipe to success and confidence?

Trauma and the Fool's Spring

In North Carolina, we have what’s called a “Fool’s Spring”: a season when the weather begins to warm, daffodil leaves poke up in the corners of yards, ever-hopeful North Carolinians* start to pull out our light sweatshirts and tee shirts…and then “Second Winter” arrives, and with it another two months of scarves and snow boots. All of the wardrobe changes we’ve been experiencing lately have got me thinking about the different kinds of protective layers we wear, not just in the winter, but all year long.

During painful times in our lives, we often turn inward, bundling up in protective layers as a means of staying safe. But as the seasons of our lives change and the snow begins to melt, those heavy layers of clothing that kept us so toasty and safe in the freezing winter months can become stuffy and constricting. What was once protective cushioning turns into a barrier blocking us from achieving deep intimacy and connection. It’s hard to feel the warmth of someone else’s touch through thick winter mittens, or enjoy the sound of a child’s singing through a pair of fuzzy mufflers. 

Shedding those unseasonable layers may seem hard, at times even impossible. After all, your protective strategies had a valuable purpose once. Maybe you learned that during times of conflict it was safer to stay quiet, or to withdraw. Perhaps you were in a home situation where there were consequences to having confidence, and every time you tried to set a boundary it was just a waste of breath - or worse. It may feel like a huge risk to walk away from those old protective parts, especially when you’re fearful that this period of safety might be just a Fool’s Spring.

But what if it’s not?

Do you want winter clothes to be your only option? Falling back into old ways of coping will always be an option for you. But that’s all it should be: AN option. Not THE option.

You’re here, venturing out, taking this risk, because some buried wisdom in you longs to emerge and bask in the sun. You deserve the lightness that comes with shedding old layers and breaking out of unhealthy patterns. You deserve to feel the joy and warmth of spring.

Don’t wait until July for your North Carolina spring. Call for a free phone consultation today, and continue on your path of wisdom and freedom.

*bless our hearts